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@maverick You've reached John Sheppard, please leave a message. voice | video | text

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voice; @wingingit

[volitaunt]

[ There's a light slur to Poe's words. ]

What if we're all dead.

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Pretty sure they don't have cell phones in hell.

And if they did, you'd probably go straight to voice mail before you're ready.

Then they'd make you listen to the weirdness of your own voice over and over until you went nuts.

[A pause.]

You're not calling me from lock-up, are you? Is this your only phone call?

[volitaunt]

[ Musingly: ] I didn't know what a cell phone was two months ago.

[ Then, with slightly more focus, though no less slurred: ] I'm serious. What if this is it. What if we're dead and we just don't know it yet. Like not knowing what a cell phone is.

[ Makes sense 2 him right now. ]

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I don't think we're dead. Personally, I think I'd be a lot more relaxed. And dead.

[Jokes aside, he can't quite keep the worry out of his voice.]

Hey, buddy. You okay? Do you need a lift?

[volitaunt]

Nah. I have evening plans. Puke in a gutter. Sleep on a bench.

[ The sound of glasses clinking on a tabletop. ]

Very busy.

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Sounds like a party.

So where's my invite?

[volitaunt]

Mmmlost it, probably.

[ Like a bomber fleet. Like a half-dozen escorts. Poe's laugh is bitter. ]

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Well I'm pretty good at finding things.

You know, if we are dead, I'd say there are worse people to be dead around.

[volitaunt]

[ That, Poe doesn't answer right away. It takes him a second to find a safe reply. ]

Worse than Kylo Ren? Not sure about that one, Lieutenant Colonel.

[ HAS HE EVER MENTIONED KYLE RON oh well Poe doesn't remember, doesn't care. ]

Did I tell you I'm from the past now?

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I don't know what a kylo ren is, but it sounds stupid. Somewhere up there with the shake-weight and juicing.

Where we're from doesn't matter. Here, I'm not a Lieutenant Colonel. I'm just a fly boy like you.

So don't call me that, geez. Not unless you're going to make it sound cool and sexy. Which you're welcome to try.

[volitaunt]

He’s definitely stupid. That whole hospital thing, that was him, he had a tantrum. Missed his nap.

[ Low-voiced, husky: ] Lieutenant Colonel.

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Oh, that douchebag? You can tell ol’ Kyle if he messes with my buddy Poe again, he’ll be taking a dirt nap.

[Seriously, Poe? That isn’t what he expected or deserved. Cue awkward throat clearing.]

Well, anything sounds good when you say it.

Except Kylo Ren.

[volitaunt]

[ In that same bedroom voice: ] You can’t polish a bantha turd.

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You ruined it. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

[He’s cracking up over the line.

Then, a moment of seriousness.]

Don’t worry so much. You’ve got friends here. At the end of the day, that’s all anyone really needs.

[volitaunt]

[ Silence on Poe's side of things, enough that a little background noise from the bar he's in creeps over the comm. ]

One of my kids is here. One of the Resistance pilots I helped train.

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Is that good or bad?

[volitaunt]

I killed her.

[ He knocks back another shot of something, he doesn’t remember or care what, and corrects himself with a cough: ] I got her killed.

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Oh.

[Poe's state is starting to make a lot more sense. There's a gentle pause as John thinks about what to say. Heart to hearts aren't exactly his forte.]

People die in war, Poe. Lots of them. All you can do is try to save as many as you can.

I've lost a lot of good men and women, and every one of them knew what it was they were signing up for. That's what makes them brave.

Losing people, that's something you sign up for, too, when you're an officer. And it's the hardest part of the job.

[volitaunt]

That’s what she told me, too. I know it’s the job. I’ve lost...

[ That list of names, that reel of faces. ]

I got her killed, John, her and our bombing fleet. All hands and six escorts. And I don’t even have the fucking— [ His voice starts to rise with those last words, and he stops, cutting himself off, calming himself down. His voice is slick with alcohol and guilt and grief. ] I don’t even remember it. I can’t even give them that.

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Maybe that’s why you’re here. So you don’t make the same call when you go back. Or maybe not. I don't think we really know enough about how this place works to say.

[John’s experienced the effects of time travel first-hand. This isn’t the first time he’s blipped out of a timeline.]

You live, and you learn. That’s the punishment, and privilege, of surviving failure on the battlefield.

[volitaunt]

[ Now the piece that’s breaking his heart in increments. His voice drops. He feels sick. ] I have to leave her here.

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She did her part. Now she can relax. Do something else with her life.

[Something like a low chuckle. He can't help himself.]

Us? We’ve just got to keep going until the wheels fall off.

No rest for the wicked.

[volitaunt]

Her sister is still alive. Rose is back there, and I can’t... [ He’s listening. He is, but there’s a desperate urgency in his voice that says John doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand. ] I can’t bring Paige home. They came to us with nothing. All they’ve got is each other and the Resistance.

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No, you can’t.

But you can tell Rose her sister is alive, living a different, better life. And maybe she even has the chance to be happy.

That’s more comfort, and closure, than most people get. It's something to hold onto.

[volitaunt]

[ For a few seconds, Poe is silent, John’s words finally catching up, working their way through. For a few seconds after that, he’s just breathing, with the long inhale and short, gasped exhalation of someone who’s far too drunk for anyone’s good. ] God.

God, I can’t go back to our room like this.

[ He can’t be this person. He doesn’t want Rey to see it. He doesn’t want Finn to be disappointed by it. ] Fuck.