[ Finn gives it a quick once-over once he catches it, just to make sure it didn't get too scuffed up or potentially damaged from the fall. What he sees is satisfying enough, combined with getting it back immediately, to relax his shoulders. The corners of his mouth twitch. ]
I was trying a different pocket.
[ So yeah, fair point. He thinks it wouldn't hurt to start leaving it at the apartment. Or at least at his desk, or in his jacket or something. He's lucky it's still in one piece right now.
And the question saves him the trouble of trying to ask if John got a look at it. He has no idea how he planned to navigate that one without accidentally sounding accusatory about it. So Finn mulls over how to answer, a little grateful not to have to broach it himself.
It would be easy to back out of answering. Say he has somewhere to be, never mention it again. To shut off the projector and do that, never think about this, never mention it again. Hope that John forgets, like it's not important. But he thinks about Slip's face, how few people have ever seen it, how many fewer have seen it and thought it was worth caring about (just Poe and Rey, here, only him back home).
He thinks about how readily John gave the holoprojector back. How related it is to a conversation that he honestly should have had with him sooner. Backing out doesn't sit right. ]
He was a member of my old fireteam. We, uh. [ He hesitates. Offers a twitchy shrug. Deliberately avoids addressing the friend issue for the moment. It'll be easier to explain once he's laid the full picture out. ] We called him Slip. Just a nickname. Kept things shorter on the radios.
Y'know, there's a chair over there for a reason. So you can sit in it.
[John kicks his booted feet up on his desk, leaning back in his reclining chair stolen from some other department with a bigger budget. While his posture says, "I don't give a fuck," what he's really saying is "Relax."
Finn and Chyler are two peas in a pod. Serious. Always on. Probably because they both grew up too hard, too fast. In survival mode. John didn't have the same experience. Whether that makes him more or less qualified to lead them remains to be seen. He'd like to think it grants him a different perspective, that allows him to see strengths, and weaknesses, they might not know exist, but he could also be full of shit.
John has no doubt in his mind that both of them, despite their younger years, have suffered as much loss as he has, and ceased being children a long time ago, if they were ever really children at all.
He hopes they can be, someday. Whenever, and however, that would look like. Even if it means picking up stupid hobbies, or riding a skateboard to work while going grey. Whatever makes them happy.
John only really started to enjoy life in his late thirties. Blooming late is better than never.]
Slip. That's a good call-sign. I've had a few, in my day. Most of them embarrassing. Where I'm from, if it doesn't make you cringe? It isn't a solid call-sign.
You losing that doohickey? That's a 'butter fingers', right there. Butters for short, probably. Or maybe buttfinger. Because it's the air force. We're mature, like that.
[ He's never heard anyone call Slip a good nickname.
More importantly, Finn, who was sitting down prepared to mind his own business, inasmuch as a person can mind their own business while trying to explain it to another person, looks legitimately alarmed. Like there's a moment of pure, unabashed concern considering this prospect, and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with it.
He says, with the utmost and borderline-kind sincerity: ]
You do not have permission to start calling me buttfinger.
[ John is a demon from a hell army, he guesses. What else is new. But there's still that... familiarity in how he talked about it all. Sort of a warmth. Friendliness. That's what can't translate well, probably. That concept of a given closeness.
Finn can never contextualize that with his old life. Just doesn't mesh. He shakes his head. ]
I don't have to ask permission to call you buttfinger, but I won't. Because I'm nice.
Besides, if I was gonna to call you anything, it'd be fumbles. Much cuter.
[He grins, and sips his coffee. What's the point in having people under your command if you can't tease the hell out of them? Sure there's the whole leadership, teamwork, and support angle, but there's definitely a taking the piss angle, too. And that angle might be John's favourite.]
Yeah, didn't think so. From what I've heard you guys had it pretty rough. That wasn't my experience, but it's not unheard of where I'm from. Child soldiers. Innocent people forced into fighting a monster's war for them. I had a choice, but not everyone did.
Some crap seems to stay the same, no matter which galaxy you're in.
[ He's not sure if he's relieved to hear all that or not.
Some of it, he figures, is obvious enough in the way he is, the way he works. It follows him whether he likes it or not. Some of it John could have heard from Poe. A fair heads up to a commanding officer. Maybe from Chyler, who he didn't swear to secrecy or anything.
Some of it isn't anyone else's to tell. In any case he'd rather not retread old ground. Time to hope for the best and assume the worst. Finn looks down, flexes his jaw. ]
Enough to put two and two together. I know you came from a bad place under a bunch of assholes, and you deserve better.
You at least deserve to make your own choices.
[Another sip of his coffee. Trying to keep this casual for both of them.
John isn't the most emotionally revealing man, but if Finn thinks he catches John's eyes going hard for just a moment, a spark of something hit and dark in them as he looks across the room and not at Finn, he wouldn't be wrong.
A breath, and the moment passes. Gone, but not forgotten. If John had his way he'd blow the First Order out of existence.
Except it's never that simple, is it? Because the First Order is made up of people like Finn.]
For what it's worth, I don't care where you're from. Only what you choose to do, going forward.
You're one of my guys now. That means it's my job to back you up no matter what. Remember?
[ Finn, who is never good at being casual, doesn't bother pretending to be when he looks back up. His face softens like he does it for a living.
He tries to control who knows. Who finds out. He doesn't want people he's met to hear it and think worse of him. Or, god forbid, better of him. It feels like being less of a person either way.
John doesn't leave room for wondering. Better that way. Better straightforward. Doesn't leave time for dread to sink in and spread, for the resigned expectation that what was enough yesterday won't be enough anymore after this. ]
Right. [ Normally he's the one who ends up saying that kind of thing to someone. "We're a team, we're in this together." A lot of the people he knows here, the ones he cares about most, they're used to having to stand on their own or having to hold themselves apart somehow. Have their own hangups about asking for help. He doesn't know the feeling.
Everything good he's ever managed, he only managed because he wasn't alone.
It's weird being on the other end of the sentiment. His first instinct is to think it sounds nice and to move on without putting any faith to it, and his second instinct is to be ashamed that the first instinct keeps rearing its head, regardless of the fact that John's never done anything to him or to Chyler to merit the suspicion.
It means a lot to hear that, still. Either way. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. ]
I made my choice. I found better. Pretty sure I wouldn't be here if I hadn't.
[ Not that he thinks RR-1 is a part of 'better' or anything shut up. He's very serious and stoic.
He doesn't let "deserving" factor into anything if he can help it. That's a slippery slope for anyone who's promised any of their friends that they're trying to be kind to themselves. ]
[Finn softens, John softens too. It's hard not to care about Finn. He's a good kid, and John's always had a weakness for though. Finn reminds him of Aiden in so many ways. In the skeptical tilt of his head, careful optimism, and fierce loyalty.
He leans forward in his chair, elbows resting on the desk, jaw in the palm of his hand.]
I've been meaning to ask you, how've you been liking this kind of work, and being on the team? Questions, concerns, or whatever. You don't have to have an opinion, but if you do I'd like to hear it.
I think we've been doing pretty well so far, given our limited resources and manpower, but I don't always see everything.
[ John "not actively trying to care and going full ride-or-die in a matter of weeks anyway" Sheppard in motion.
If there's one thing to be said for living with Poe Dameron as long as he has here, it's that Finn is used to being caught off-guard by seemingly innocuous things. He thought he was totally used to it and prepared to expect it at any moment, once. And he was wrong. He hasn't even started trying to tell himself he's used to getting caught off-guard by John yet.
And the line of questioning certainly catches him off-guard. Not so much because it doesn't seem like the kind of thing John would do. He asked for opinions the first day they met. It's more because Finn's never been asked anything like this before.
First Order aside, even the Resistance never got around to actually... asking if he wanted to join up or stay with them. How he was liking it or whatever. There were a lot of assumptions made and a lot of things that just happened. ]
This is a good team. We work well together. Pretty sure you know that already. [ John absolutely already thinks this is a good team. Finn's calling that one like he sees it.
He doesn't shift to match John's change in posture. Just keeps contemplating him. ]
I like the work. Keeps things interesting. I didn't get raised for covert ops, so it's been good to get in the extra training and experience. I think Chyler's good. A lot of people would waste their time using kid gloves or go overboard trying to grind down what's good about her. Haven't seen you hit either of those walls yet.
[ Look. His standards for his own environment vary by day and circumstance. His standards for the treatment of Chyler Silva are high and on full blast at all times. He was on her team before he knew John Sheppard existed. Another one of those different-but-the-same people he's met here, who he catches impossible to define reflections and understandings with.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2018-04-15 11:33 pm (UTC)I was trying a different pocket.
[ So yeah, fair point. He thinks it wouldn't hurt to start leaving it at the apartment. Or at least at his desk, or in his jacket or something. He's lucky it's still in one piece right now.
And the question saves him the trouble of trying to ask if John got a look at it. He has no idea how he planned to navigate that one without accidentally sounding accusatory about it. So Finn mulls over how to answer, a little grateful not to have to broach it himself.
It would be easy to back out of answering. Say he has somewhere to be, never mention it again. To shut off the projector and do that, never think about this, never mention it again. Hope that John forgets, like it's not important. But he thinks about Slip's face, how few people have ever seen it, how many fewer have seen it and thought it was worth caring about (just Poe and Rey, here, only him back home).
He thinks about how readily John gave the holoprojector back. How related it is to a conversation that he honestly should have had with him sooner. Backing out doesn't sit right. ]
He was a member of my old fireteam. We, uh. [ He hesitates. Offers a twitchy shrug. Deliberately avoids addressing the friend issue for the moment. It'll be easier to explain once he's laid the full picture out. ] We called him Slip. Just a nickname. Kept things shorter on the radios.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-04-16 12:35 am (UTC)[John kicks his booted feet up on his desk, leaning back in his reclining chair stolen from some other department with a bigger budget. While his posture says, "I don't give a fuck," what he's really saying is "Relax."
Finn and Chyler are two peas in a pod. Serious. Always on. Probably because they both grew up too hard, too fast. In survival mode. John didn't have the same experience. Whether that makes him more or less qualified to lead them remains to be seen. He'd like to think it grants him a different perspective, that allows him to see strengths, and weaknesses, they might not know exist, but he could also be full of shit.
John has no doubt in his mind that both of them, despite their younger years, have suffered as much loss as he has, and ceased being children a long time ago, if they were ever really children at all.
He hopes they can be, someday. Whenever, and however, that would look like. Even if it means picking up stupid hobbies, or riding a skateboard to work while going grey. Whatever makes them happy.
John only really started to enjoy life in his late thirties. Blooming late is better than never.]
Slip. That's a good call-sign. I've had a few, in my day. Most of them embarrassing. Where I'm from, if it doesn't make you cringe? It isn't a solid call-sign.
You losing that doohickey? That's a 'butter fingers', right there. Butters for short, probably. Or maybe buttfinger. Because it's the air force. We're mature, like that.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-04-16 02:28 am (UTC)More importantly, Finn, who was sitting down prepared to mind his own business, inasmuch as a person can mind their own business while trying to explain it to another person, looks legitimately alarmed. Like there's a moment of pure, unabashed concern considering this prospect, and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with it.
He says, with the utmost and borderline-kind sincerity: ]
You do not have permission to start calling me buttfinger.
[ John is a demon from a hell army, he guesses. What else is new. But there's still that... familiarity in how he talked about it all. Sort of a warmth. Friendliness. That's what can't translate well, probably. That concept of a given closeness.
Finn can never contextualize that with his old life. Just doesn't mesh. He shakes his head. ]
It didn't work like that for us.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-04-16 05:26 am (UTC)Besides, if I was gonna to call you anything, it'd be fumbles. Much cuter.
[He grins, and sips his coffee. What's the point in having people under your command if you can't tease the hell out of them? Sure there's the whole leadership, teamwork, and support angle, but there's definitely a taking the piss angle, too. And that angle might be John's favourite.]
Yeah, didn't think so. From what I've heard you guys had it pretty rough. That wasn't my experience, but it's not unheard of where I'm from. Child soldiers. Innocent people forced into fighting a monster's war for them. I had a choice, but not everyone did.
Some crap seems to stay the same, no matter which galaxy you're in.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-04-16 10:09 am (UTC)Some of it, he figures, is obvious enough in the way he is, the way he works. It follows him whether he likes it or not. Some of it John could have heard from Poe. A fair heads up to a commanding officer. Maybe from Chyler, who he didn't swear to secrecy or anything.
Some of it isn't anyone else's to tell. In any case he'd rather not retread old ground. Time to hope for the best and assume the worst. Finn looks down, flexes his jaw. ]
Exactly how much have you heard?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-04-16 02:43 pm (UTC)You at least deserve to make your own choices.
[Another sip of his coffee. Trying to keep this casual for both of them.
John isn't the most emotionally revealing man, but if Finn thinks he catches John's eyes going hard for just a moment, a spark of something hit and dark in them as he looks across the room and not at Finn, he wouldn't be wrong.
A breath, and the moment passes. Gone, but not forgotten. If John had his way he'd blow the First Order out of existence.
Except it's never that simple, is it? Because the First Order is made up of people like Finn.]
For what it's worth, I don't care where you're from. Only what you choose to do, going forward.
You're one of my guys now. That means it's my job to back you up no matter what. Remember?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-04-17 11:57 pm (UTC)He tries to control who knows. Who finds out. He doesn't want people he's met to hear it and think worse of him. Or, god forbid, better of him. It feels like being less of a person either way.
John doesn't leave room for wondering. Better that way. Better straightforward. Doesn't leave time for dread to sink in and spread, for the resigned expectation that what was enough yesterday won't be enough anymore after this. ]
Right. [ Normally he's the one who ends up saying that kind of thing to someone. "We're a team, we're in this together." A lot of the people he knows here, the ones he cares about most, they're used to having to stand on their own or having to hold themselves apart somehow. Have their own hangups about asking for help. He doesn't know the feeling.
Everything good he's ever managed, he only managed because he wasn't alone.
It's weird being on the other end of the sentiment. His first instinct is to think it sounds nice and to move on without putting any faith to it, and his second instinct is to be ashamed that the first instinct keeps rearing its head, regardless of the fact that John's never done anything to him or to Chyler to merit the suspicion.
It means a lot to hear that, still. Either way. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. ]
I made my choice. I found better. Pretty sure I wouldn't be here if I hadn't.
[ Not that he thinks RR-1 is a part of 'better' or anything shut up. He's very serious and stoic.
He doesn't let "deserving" factor into anything if he can help it. That's a slippery slope for anyone who's promised any of their friends that they're trying to be kind to themselves. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-04-22 09:32 pm (UTC)[Finn softens, John softens too. It's hard not to care about Finn. He's a good kid, and John's always had a weakness for though. Finn reminds him of Aiden in so many ways. In the skeptical tilt of his head, careful optimism, and fierce loyalty.
He leans forward in his chair, elbows resting on the desk, jaw in the palm of his hand.]
I've been meaning to ask you, how've you been liking this kind of work, and being on the team? Questions, concerns, or whatever. You don't have to have an opinion, but if you do I'd like to hear it.
I think we've been doing pretty well so far, given our limited resources and manpower, but I don't always see everything.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-04-24 03:17 am (UTC)If there's one thing to be said for living with Poe Dameron as long as he has here, it's that Finn is used to being caught off-guard by seemingly innocuous things. He thought he was totally used to it and prepared to expect it at any moment, once. And he was wrong. He hasn't even started trying to tell himself he's used to getting caught off-guard by John yet.
And the line of questioning certainly catches him off-guard. Not so much because it doesn't seem like the kind of thing John would do. He asked for opinions the first day they met. It's more because Finn's never been asked anything like this before.
First Order aside, even the Resistance never got around to actually... asking if he wanted to join up or stay with them. How he was liking it or whatever. There were a lot of assumptions made and a lot of things that just happened. ]
This is a good team. We work well together. Pretty sure you know that already. [ John absolutely already thinks this is a good team. Finn's calling that one like he sees it.
He doesn't shift to match John's change in posture. Just keeps contemplating him. ]
I like the work. Keeps things interesting. I didn't get raised for covert ops, so it's been good to get in the extra training and experience. I think Chyler's good. A lot of people would waste their time using kid gloves or go overboard trying to grind down what's good about her. Haven't seen you hit either of those walls yet.
[ Look. His standards for his own environment vary by day and circumstance. His standards for the treatment of Chyler Silva are high and on full blast at all times. He was on her team before he knew John Sheppard existed. Another one of those different-but-the-same people he's met here, who he catches impossible to define reflections and understandings with.
She can turn out better than him.
Finn doesn't take that lightly. ]