He hadn't tried much at the rave, just enough to keep Finn company, but the whole time they threw themselves around in the crowd, the whole time Poe found himself warmed and comforted by every bump and brush with a stranger, the whole time he felt that tingle of euphoria, he was thinking about John.
So here he is at John's door, the keys to a hotel room in his hand, a cab waiting outside, practically vibrating with the desire to get his boyfriend (his boyfriend) in a private space where they won't risk interruption or awkwardness from either roommate. He's still got that mild glow in his head, his pupils very slightly dilated, and for the first time in a long time (for the first time since his Academy days), he's eager for more of that feeling. He's eager to share it.
Poe knocks. For probably the third time in less than a minute. ]
[Yelled from the kitchen, where John was doing the dishes. At 2am. As one does. He opens the door wearing yellow rubber gloves, mouth pursed with unspoken worry. They usually call before meeting up with each other, and after all the time they've been spending together recently, John's half expecting Poe to get tired of him.
His first instinct is that something's wrong. Either there's something going down at the PG, Kylo's gone postal again, or Poe's changed his mind about them. It probably speaks to John's experience that he always expects the worst.
Then he sees the look in Poe's eyes, bright and glassy. The tension in his body. Like he's wired, and ready to spring. Excited. He quirks a brow.]
Fine. [ Poe kisses him. It feels even better than he though it would, his heartbeat thumping in his lips, the pleasant tingle of contact sending a rush of hazy pleasure through him.
And that’s just a dab of it, a few streaks on the skin. The thought of John painting his skin with it, marking Poe however he wants, sends another little hum of pleasure through Poe that has very little to do with the intoxication he already feels. ] I’ve been thinking about that for hours.
[ He pulls John close, rubber gloves and all, shivering at the press of their bodies together. ] Ditch the dishes and come with me.
[John laughs a little, still looking into Poe's eyes, his lips tingling and heart already beating hard. He doesn't even think to ask where they're going, or why.
Poe was thinking about him, is here, and wants him. John can't argue with that. Doesn't want to. The dishes were almost done, anyway. Rodney can finish them. Not that John really thinks he will.]
Let me just, take these off and put on some real clothes-
You're just going to lose the clothes when we get there.
[ Poe grins at him, grabbing the fingertips of one rubber glove and tugging, trying to get the thing to release its grip on John's fingers, leaning in to snatch another kiss. ]
[John really didn't see this one coming. Whatever's gotten into Poe, it's equal parts charming and alarming. One glove snaps off his hand with Poe's yanking, and John was about to use his teeth to pull off the other one when Poe kisses him again.
He forgets what he's doing for a second, because at times John really is a simple man, simply hanging in Poe's arms and enjoying being held until someone coughs in the hallway.]
Can I at least put some shoes on, or are you gonna carry me to wherever we're going?
Went with Finn. He wanted to have a little fun, and he doesn't want that very often. What're the nineties?
[ WAIT HOLD ON, MORE IMPORTANTLY WHAT IS THAT. Poe crosses the room to yank the door open again. He looks from John, to the poster, to John, and then slowly starts to grin. ]
A decade that was pretty good, all things considered, but I wouldn't want to relive it. Remember that Nirvana record I played for you? Nineties- hey!
[Poe gets to the closet while John is pulling on his shoes, but he still makes a solid attempt for the door while tripping over his own shoelaces.
All in all, it's embarassing. John can feel his face going red, even after he's caught his balance, and tries to lean coolly against the nearest solid object.
At least until Poe makes the autograph comment. John nearly falls over again.]
It was a joke, okay! I was going to hang it up in the shuttle bay one day.
[ Poe runs his thumb across one of the little streaks of color across his wrist. ] No chance of being interrupted or walked in on or have friendly roommates wanting to make breakfast when we'd rather stay in bed.
[ With the euphoria fading it's harder for Poe to just come out and say the rest of what he'd been thinking. Not that it suddenly feels like a bad idea--he's been thinking about it too long for it to suddenly seem like a bad idea--but it's new, and every new thing they've done together has been a hurdle. Every experiment has come with some trepidation. ]
There's this powder at the raves, makes you sensitive to touch, feel good-- [ Poe clears his throat. ] I thought. I hoped maybe. Finn wanted to try it, so I tried it with him, and I... thought it could be fun to do more than just a little bit with you.
[ A sideways glance at John. ] You don't have to do it. I brought gloves, cotton gloves, it doesn't go through cloth.
[Their elevator arrives with a ding. John steps inside, folding his arms over his chest. He isn't sure how he feels about the whole situation. It's unexpected, and John only likes surprises up to a point.
The hotel part is nice. Romantic, even. So is finally getting some real alone time. The roommates are always an issue. John's been hesistant to do any more than make out at his place after the one bad experience, but there's always the risk of Finn at Poe's. That's awkward in its own special way. John's not just his teammate, but his commanding officer.]
I'll think about it.
[A slight smile as they step outside.
It's the powder part John's hesitant about. Not because he's particularly against drugs. Everyone in Atlantis is always hopped up on something or other. Uppers. Downers. If you don't need to stay awake for days at a time, you're struggling to get some shut-eye before shit hits the fan again. John stays clean by his own choice, but he doesn't fault anyone for needing a little extra help.
What bothers John is that this is the first time Poe's really done anything like this, and John can't help but feel it's because he's high. Is it Poe's excitement to be with him that has him making plans and booking hotels, or is it the drugs? Is any part of this really about John, and experiencing something as a couple, or is it just about getting screwed up with someone safe?
Stepping outside, John regrets not grabbing a jacket. He hopes it's his only regret.]
And there aren't any side-effects? You're not going to crash hard?
I'm fine playing with it, on you, as long as I know it's safe.
[ Poe stops just outside of the building, to the clear annoyance of the cab driver at the curb. ]
I'm already coming down. John?
[ They can read each other pretty well at this point. John isn't happy. Poe touches his shoulder lightly, then his upper arm. ]
We don't have to do anything. We can just go, spend the day out.
[ Poe isn't sure where he misstepped, but he's pretty sure he has somewhere along the line. John is safe. He's one of the few people Poe is okay with seeing him vulnerable, and even that isn't always easy. There's no denying that part of his motivation, of being vulnerable with someone he trusts in a space they don't have to share. ]
[John's silent for a moment, looking away. He didn't think he was being obvious. John's used to flying under the radar, his thoughts and feelings going undetected. It still startles him that Poe can see him, somehow.
He's even more startled that Poe seems to care, and is willing to change his plans to suit John's needs. That's a first. His family, the military, and even his ex-wife, everyone drops him when he's not the man they want him to be. John tries, but he's scared to try, too. He doesn't want to fail and still be left behind.
Some part of him expects Poe to leave him, when he's not the fun night Poe wants him to be. It's not like there's a shortage of people who are ready and willing to be with Poe Dameron, and John knows he's not the only person Poe trusts.
But Poe did say they didn't have to. Left it up to him to decide.
John squeezes his arms tighter over his chest, scuffing a sneaker against the pavement.]
I'll give it a shot, but... are you sure you don't want to do this with someone else? I don't know if I'll like it. What if things go south?
[ It hurts in a way Poe doesn't expect. It is what he said--I'm a good time, or a few. The pilot can't exactly blame John if he took it that way, if he thought Poe was trying to leave the door open to outside relationships.
Poe tugs a hand through his hair, looking away.
Does John want that? Is that something they should talk about? ] I don't want to push you into something you're not comfortable with, John. If you're not sure, if you're worried, then I don't care about doing it at all.
[John doesn't have an answer to that question. He still doesn't know what Poe sees in him, or why he wouldn't want someone else. All that comes to mind is they're both screwed up in similar ways.
Poe calls him beautiful sometimes, and John wants to believe him, but he's not sure he can. John knows that's his own damage. He's got abandonment issues. Daddy issue. Mommy issues. Typical veteran issues. A lifetime of difficulty opening up to people, and of being abandoned by the people he loves, after disappointing or scaring them away.
John looks up, at Poe's face when he's not looking at him. No longer smiling and excited. He can't help but feel like he's ruined something. Poe's been having a rough few weeks, John knows that. He deserves to let loose, and live a little.
He reaches out, catching Poe's hand, and thumbs over the smear of powder on his inner wrist. He offers up an apologetic smile, giving his arm a tug.]
[ Okay well that was not precisely expected, but Poe has just enough of a gauzy buzz left that the kiss, dizzying on its own, pushes him toward an erection.
It's both a good and a bad thing with John breaks away.
He lets John drag him to the cab, a stupid smile and a dreamy look on his face.
The cabby, clearly impatient but also clearly fine with making them pay for the wait, starts driving as soon as the doors are shut.
Poe rests his head on John's shoulder for most of the drive, running his thumb back and forth along his lower lip, playing the kiss (that one and others, if he's honest) over again in his head.
John makes him feel like an Academy cadet, and sometimes that's pretty okay.
The hotel is a cute little place on the river, a cross between a small-town hotel and a bed and breakfast. The kind of place where meals are made in a homestyle kitchen and served at a set time. Poe pays the cabby and leads John around the back and upstairs to their room, charming, simply-furnished, and currently outfitted with hooks in the ceiling for anyone with kinkier Sampremi intentions.
Poe left a bag behind--two changes of clothes for John, from the things he left at Poe's place. Poe's own clothes. Toiletries for them both. The powders Poe bought in various colors and, of course, the promised gloves.
Poe shuts the door and wraps an arm around John's waist, pulling them together so John's back is pressed to Poe's chest. ] I got it for three nights. If we want to stay that long. Left a note for Finn to tell him I'd be scarce.
[The hotel isn't anything like John expects. He thought it would be something fancier. Sexier. The kind of hotel you bring someone to when you want to get high and fuck the living daylights out of each other.
But it's cute, and reminds John of the cozy little cottages surrounding his family's lakefront summer home. The kind of place you could stay for a few days without going crazy, because it feels close enough to a home.
Poe holds John from behind, and John is warm again. His bare arms are still goosebumped, but for different reasons.
Three nights. A bag Poe packed for them. Them. John leans back into him, resting his head on Poe's shoulder. Staring forward, but with a funny kind of smile on his face.]
I like it.
I'll call Rodney tomorrow morning. I'm sure he'll appreciate having the place to himself for a few days. Just him and his tentacle porn.
[ John says I like it, and Poe finally relaxes. He presses his face against John's neck, kissing him there, making a noise of mild surprise at John's declaration about Rodney. ]
Huh. He didn't seem like the type.
[ Poe shakes his head. Rodney's sex life is none of his business. He has his own sex life to think about right now, thank, and that's a lot more interesting anyway.
A gentle bite against John's neck. ]
Do you want to get undressed or to you want me to do it for you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
it's about 2am on one of the nights of sampremi, specifically the one where poe went partying w finn
Date: 2018-03-04 12:23 am (UTC)He hadn't tried much at the rave, just enough to keep Finn company, but the whole time they threw themselves around in the crowd, the whole time Poe found himself warmed and comforted by every bump and brush with a stranger, the whole time he felt that tingle of euphoria, he was thinking about John.
So here he is at John's door, the keys to a hotel room in his hand, a cab waiting outside, practically vibrating with the desire to get his boyfriend (his boyfriend) in a private space where they won't risk interruption or awkwardness from either roommate. He's still got that mild glow in his head, his pupils very slightly dilated, and for the first time in a long time (for the first time since his Academy days), he's eager for more of that feeling. He's eager to share it.
Poe knocks. For probably the third time in less than a minute. ]
John! You're in, right? Come on, be in.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 02:02 am (UTC)[Yelled from the kitchen, where John was doing the dishes. At 2am. As one does. He opens the door wearing yellow rubber gloves, mouth pursed with unspoken worry. They usually call before meeting up with each other, and after all the time they've been spending together recently, John's half expecting Poe to get tired of him.
His first instinct is that something's wrong. Either there's something going down at the PG, Kylo's gone postal again, or Poe's changed his mind about them. It probably speaks to John's experience that he always expects the worst.
Then he sees the look in Poe's eyes, bright and glassy. The tension in his body. Like he's wired, and ready to spring. Excited. He quirks a brow.]
Are you... okay?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 03:32 am (UTC)And that’s just a dab of it, a few streaks on the skin. The thought of John painting his skin with it, marking Poe however he wants, sends another little hum of pleasure through Poe that has very little to do with the intoxication he already feels. ] I’ve been thinking about that for hours.
[ He pulls John close, rubber gloves and all, shivering at the press of their bodies together. ] Ditch the dishes and come with me.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 04:07 am (UTC)[John laughs a little, still looking into Poe's eyes, his lips tingling and heart already beating hard. He doesn't even think to ask where they're going, or why.
Poe was thinking about him, is here, and wants him. John can't argue with that. Doesn't want to. The dishes were almost done, anyway. Rodney can finish them. Not that John really thinks he will.]
Let me just, take these off and put on some real clothes-
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 06:04 am (UTC)[ Poe grins at him, grabbing the fingertips of one rubber glove and tugging, trying to get the thing to release its grip on John's fingers, leaning in to snatch another kiss. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 06:12 am (UTC)[John really didn't see this one coming. Whatever's gotten into Poe, it's equal parts charming and alarming. One glove snaps off his hand with Poe's yanking, and John was about to use his teeth to pull off the other one when Poe kisses him again.
He forgets what he's doing for a second, because at times John really is a simple man, simply hanging in Poe's arms and enjoying being held until someone coughs in the hallway.]
Can I at least put some shoes on, or are you gonna carry me to wherever we're going?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 06:45 am (UTC)[ Still, Poe relents enough to step into the room and close the door to the hallway. ] Shoes would probably be a good idea. I guess.
[ He offers John the glove. ] You hear about the raves downtown?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 07:06 am (UTC)[John tosses both gloves onto the top of the nearest dresser.
He opens his closet door to retrieve his runners, the same closet door that happens to have a full-sized poster Poe should be very familiar with.
As soon as John remembers, triggered by the bright orange of Poe's painted flightsuit, he slams the door shut.]
So you went to a rave?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 07:38 am (UTC)[ WAIT HOLD ON, MORE IMPORTANTLY WHAT IS THAT. Poe crosses the room to yank the door open again. He looks from John, to the poster, to John, and then slowly starts to grin. ]
John. Would you like me to autograph it?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 07:49 am (UTC)[Poe gets to the closet while John is pulling on his shoes, but he still makes a solid attempt for the door while tripping over his own shoelaces.
All in all, it's embarassing. John can feel his face going red, even after he's caught his balance, and tries to lean coolly against the nearest solid object.
At least until Poe makes the autograph comment. John nearly falls over again.]
It was a joke, okay! I was going to hang it up in the shuttle bay one day.
[His ears are tingling.]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 07:53 am (UTC)[ Another one of those heady kisses, though Poe's buzz is starting to wear off. ] Tried to hide that you kept it.
[ Poe smiles against John's lips. ] And you're blushing.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 08:22 am (UTC)[John swallows hard. Poe knows exactly what he does to him.
One more of those kisses, and they could do whatever Poe wanted to do right here, right now. Poe probably know that too. John's face gets hotter.]
Cocky.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 08:43 am (UTC)One more light smooch and Poe draws John toward the door. ] Come on. I've got a cab waiting downstairs.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 08:51 am (UTC)He follows after Poe, shoelaces still untied, wearing a pair of plaid flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. Definitely hot date material.
He grips onto Poe's hand for balance as they wait for the elevator, standing on one leg to finish tying his laces.]
Where are we going exactly? You still haven't given me a straight answer.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 09:47 am (UTC)[ Poe runs his thumb across one of the little streaks of color across his wrist. ] No chance of being interrupted or walked in on or have friendly roommates wanting to make breakfast when we'd rather stay in bed.
[ With the euphoria fading it's harder for Poe to just come out and say the rest of what he'd been thinking. Not that it suddenly feels like a bad idea--he's been thinking about it too long for it to suddenly seem like a bad idea--but it's new, and every new thing they've done together has been a hurdle. Every experiment has come with some trepidation. ]
There's this powder at the raves, makes you sensitive to touch, feel good-- [ Poe clears his throat. ] I thought. I hoped maybe. Finn wanted to try it, so I tried it with him, and I... thought it could be fun to do more than just a little bit with you.
[ A sideways glance at John. ] You don't have to do it. I brought gloves, cotton gloves, it doesn't go through cloth.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 05:39 pm (UTC)[Their elevator arrives with a ding. John steps inside, folding his arms over his chest. He isn't sure how he feels about the whole situation. It's unexpected, and John only likes surprises up to a point.
The hotel part is nice. Romantic, even. So is finally getting some real alone time. The roommates are always an issue. John's been hesistant to do any more than make out at his place after the one bad experience, but there's always the risk of Finn at Poe's. That's awkward in its own special way. John's not just his teammate, but his commanding officer.]
I'll think about it.
[A slight smile as they step outside.
It's the powder part John's hesitant about. Not because he's particularly against drugs. Everyone in Atlantis is always hopped up on something or other. Uppers. Downers. If you don't need to stay awake for days at a time, you're struggling to get some shut-eye before shit hits the fan again. John stays clean by his own choice, but he doesn't fault anyone for needing a little extra help.
What bothers John is that this is the first time Poe's really done anything like this, and John can't help but feel it's because he's high. Is it Poe's excitement to be with him that has him making plans and booking hotels, or is it the drugs? Is any part of this really about John, and experiencing something as a couple, or is it just about getting screwed up with someone safe?
Stepping outside, John regrets not grabbing a jacket. He hopes it's his only regret.]
And there aren't any side-effects? You're not going to crash hard?
I'm fine playing with it, on you, as long as I know it's safe.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 08:07 pm (UTC)I'm already coming down. John?
[ They can read each other pretty well at this point. John isn't happy. Poe touches his shoulder lightly, then his upper arm. ]
We don't have to do anything. We can just go, spend the day out.
[ Poe isn't sure where he misstepped, but he's pretty sure he has somewhere along the line. John is safe. He's one of the few people Poe is okay with seeing him vulnerable, and even that isn't always easy. There's no denying that part of his motivation, of being vulnerable with someone he trusts in a space they don't have to share. ]
Or not. Do you want to go back inside?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-04 11:53 pm (UTC)He's even more startled that Poe seems to care, and is willing to change his plans to suit John's needs. That's a first. His family, the military, and even his ex-wife, everyone drops him when he's not the man they want him to be. John tries, but he's scared to try, too. He doesn't want to fail and still be left behind.
Some part of him expects Poe to leave him, when he's not the fun night Poe wants him to be. It's not like there's a shortage of people who are ready and willing to be with Poe Dameron, and John knows he's not the only person Poe trusts.
But Poe did say they didn't have to. Left it up to him to decide.
John squeezes his arms tighter over his chest, scuffing a sneaker against the pavement.]
I'll give it a shot, but... are you sure you don't want to do this with someone else? I don't know if I'll like it. What if things go south?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-05 12:11 am (UTC)[ It hurts in a way Poe doesn't expect. It is what he said--I'm a good time, or a few. The pilot can't exactly blame John if he took it that way, if he thought Poe was trying to leave the door open to outside relationships.
Poe tugs a hand through his hair, looking away.
Does John want that? Is that something they should talk about? ] I don't want to push you into something you're not comfortable with, John. If you're not sure, if you're worried, then I don't care about doing it at all.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-05 12:43 am (UTC)Poe calls him beautiful sometimes, and John wants to believe him, but he's not sure he can. John knows that's his own damage. He's got abandonment issues. Daddy issue. Mommy issues. Typical veteran issues. A lifetime of difficulty opening up to people, and of being abandoned by the people he loves, after disappointing or scaring them away.
John looks up, at Poe's face when he's not looking at him. No longer smiling and excited. He can't help but feel like he's ruined something. Poe's been having a rough few weeks, John knows that. He deserves to let loose, and live a little.
He reaches out, catching Poe's hand, and thumbs over the smear of powder on his inner wrist. He offers up an apologetic smile, giving his arm a tug.]
I'm sorry. I want to try it for you, okay?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-05 12:55 am (UTC)[ He looks at their linked hands, runs his own thumb over John's knuckles. ]
I don't want to do it if it makes you uncomfortable. And I don't want to do it with anyone else.
[ The cab driver, patient until this point, beeps the horn of his little vehicle. Poe holds up a hand in his direction. ]
We can just go and spend the night. Or we don't have to go at all. Whatever we do, I want to do it with you.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-05 01:26 am (UTC)Okay.
[John pulls Poe in by his arm and kisses him roughly on the mouth.
That's John's answer.
He kisses him until his lips tingle, leaning into him, then breaks away and starts off towards the cab, dragging Poe behind him.]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-05 01:45 am (UTC)It's both a good and a bad thing with John breaks away.
He lets John drag him to the cab, a stupid smile and a dreamy look on his face.
The cabby, clearly impatient but also clearly fine with making them pay for the wait, starts driving as soon as the doors are shut.
Poe rests his head on John's shoulder for most of the drive, running his thumb back and forth along his lower lip, playing the kiss (that one and others, if he's honest) over again in his head.
John makes him feel like an Academy cadet, and sometimes that's pretty okay.
The hotel is a cute little place on the river, a cross between a small-town hotel and a bed and breakfast. The kind of place where meals are made in a homestyle kitchen and served at a set time. Poe pays the cabby and leads John around the back and upstairs to their room, charming, simply-furnished, and currently outfitted with hooks in the ceiling for anyone with kinkier Sampremi intentions.
Poe left a bag behind--two changes of clothes for John, from the things he left at Poe's place. Poe's own clothes. Toiletries for them both. The powders Poe bought in various colors and, of course, the promised gloves.
Poe shuts the door and wraps an arm around John's waist, pulling them together so John's back is pressed to Poe's chest. ] I got it for three nights. If we want to stay that long. Left a note for Finn to tell him I'd be scarce.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-05 02:26 am (UTC)But it's cute, and reminds John of the cozy little cottages surrounding his family's lakefront summer home. The kind of place you could stay for a few days without going crazy, because it feels close enough to a home.
Poe holds John from behind, and John is warm again. His bare arms are still goosebumped, but for different reasons.
Three nights. A bag Poe packed for them. Them. John leans back into him, resting his head on Poe's shoulder. Staring forward, but with a funny kind of smile on his face.]
I like it.
I'll call Rodney tomorrow morning. I'm sure he'll appreciate having the place to himself for a few days. Just him and his tentacle porn.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-03-05 02:56 am (UTC)Huh. He didn't seem like the type.
[ Poe shakes his head. Rodney's sex life is none of his business. He has his own sex life to think about right now, thank, and that's a lot more interesting anyway.
A gentle bite against John's neck. ]
Do you want to get undressed or to you want me to do it for you.
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