[John isn't sure he wants to hear what Poe has to say, but it's not like he has any say in the matter, and... he's been avoiding this for so long. Too long. Instead of addressing their broken hearts, they ignored the damage and left them to fester.
And that's how they got here, to this ugly place, where the only options are to clean the wound or amputate the limb. John has to make a choice. There's no more delaying.
His heart can't take much more of this, and neither can Poe's. It's now or never.]
I...
[He swallows hard. Poe's anger burns hot and bright. He's always been a star to John. A beautiful, distant thing to wish admire and wish upon from afar. When they're this close, Poe's almost too much. John can feel the emotion radiating out from him, and it's so powerful he wants to flinch away.
Wants to, but doesn't. He owes Poe that much. Owes this, whatever this is.]
I wasn't punishing you. I was protecting myself. Because I never stopped wanting you, and it never stopped hurting.
When you said that, at the end, it was like losing you all over again in the same way. Like a goddamn curse.
[He looks away, chin tucked in towards his chest, his eyes fixed on a spot somewhere on the floor. There's a slight tremble to his lower lip when he speaks again.]
I want to try, but I don't know if I can take it, y'know?
[His voice keeps getting smaller, and more stilted. His throat thicker and tighter with emotion.]
You're stronger than I am, that way. In more than that way.
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Date: 2019-06-12 09:46 pm (UTC)And that's how they got here, to this ugly place, where the only options are to clean the wound or amputate the limb. John has to make a choice. There's no more delaying.
His heart can't take much more of this, and neither can Poe's. It's now or never.]
I...
[He swallows hard. Poe's anger burns hot and bright. He's always been a star to John. A beautiful, distant thing to wish admire and wish upon from afar. When they're this close, Poe's almost too much. John can feel the emotion radiating out from him, and it's so powerful he wants to flinch away.
Wants to, but doesn't. He owes Poe that much. Owes this, whatever this is.]
I wasn't punishing you. I was protecting myself. Because I never stopped wanting you, and it never stopped hurting.
When you said that, at the end, it was like losing you all over again in the same way. Like a goddamn curse.
[He looks away, chin tucked in towards his chest, his eyes fixed on a spot somewhere on the floor. There's a slight tremble to his lower lip when he speaks again.]
I want to try, but I don't know if I can take it, y'know?
[His voice keeps getting smaller, and more stilted. His throat thicker and tighter with emotion.]
You're stronger than I am, that way. In more than that way.