[ Dom whines up at John as Chyler straightens to put on the jacket. The dog is the only reason she's not on the ledge. She couldn't do it in front of him, because of him. It didn't feel right. ]
Toothless is Hiccup's dragon. [ She smiles a little at that. She's met a dragon. Then: ] I've only met one viking, and he was a shapeshifter.
[ Chyler shakes her head. ] Sometimes I think about the things I've seen here and I feel crazy.
[John reaches down to pat Dom's head. He's not really a dog guy, but he's appreciative for all the dog has done for Chyler. Not because she needed canine protection, but something warm and furry that would love her unconditionally.]
A dragon? Cool, okay. No big deal. I'm only slightly jealous.
[John looks back at her.]
Yeah, me too. But you're not. All any of us can do is roll with the weirdness.
He's very sweet. I've gone flying with him and Hiccup.
[ For a second her expression brightens, the sadness fades. But then it's back. She runs her hands over Dom's ears, the way she did when she was a child and he was a puppy. ]
I'm so tired of being knocked down.
[ John is the only one she would make that kind of admission to. No one else, not even Finn. She wants to be strong for Finn. But John is the first person she's ever known who lets her be weak. ]
[Not that John would've stopped her. If someone asked him if he'd like to fly on the back of a dragon, you can bet your ass he would say yes. Even if it wound up biting his hand off.
It doesn't surprise him that Chyler's the same. They're so similar in so many ways. Too many ways. John doesn't want her to be a miniature version of himself. He wouldn't wish that on anyone. Least of all Chyler.
She's a good girl. A sweet girl. His girl.
She deserves better than to spend the rest of her life like he has. Alone in a crowd, and always looking over her shoulder. Wondering when any one of her hundred demons is finally going to catch up and bite her in the ass.]
I know, Chy, but I can tell you from experience that knocking yourself down doesn't keep it from happening. It's just a faster way to the bottom.
[ She looks up at him guiltily. ] I was going to. We kept going out on missions and I forgot.
[ Kind of a hard thing to forget to tell someone, but she's used to the idea of John knowing most of what goes on in her life.
She settles deeper into his jacket, comforted by the weight of it, the smell of well-tended leather. For a little while she can't say anything, trying to sort out her thoughts. ]
I'm a soldier. [ The statement is as much to see if it still rings true as it is part of what she's trying to say. ] I've planned on being a soldier since I was old enough to understand what that meant. I told you, I've never had a problem with the idea of killing. I've seen enough people die. Death is simple. It's the same for everyone. Soldiers bring death, that's what we do.
[ She's quiet again. Dom shifts to rest his head on her lap. ] People keep telling me to be something else. I don't know how to be anything else.
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Toothless is Hiccup's dragon. [ She smiles a little at that. She's met a dragon. Then: ] I've only met one viking, and he was a shapeshifter.
[ Chyler shakes her head. ] Sometimes I think about the things I've seen here and I feel crazy.
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A dragon? Cool, okay. No big deal. I'm only slightly jealous.
[John looks back at her.]
Yeah, me too. But you're not. All any of us can do is roll with the weirdness.
Resist, and it'll just knock you down.
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[ For a second her expression brightens, the sadness fades. But then it's back. She runs her hands over Dom's ears, the way she did when she was a child and he was a puppy. ]
I'm so tired of being knocked down.
[ John is the only one she would make that kind of admission to. No one else, not even Finn. She wants to be strong for Finn. But John is the first person she's ever known who lets her be weak. ]
no subject
[Not that John would've stopped her. If someone asked him if he'd like to fly on the back of a dragon, you can bet your ass he would say yes. Even if it wound up biting his hand off.
It doesn't surprise him that Chyler's the same. They're so similar in so many ways. Too many ways. John doesn't want her to be a miniature version of himself. He wouldn't wish that on anyone. Least of all Chyler.
She's a good girl. A sweet girl. His girl.
She deserves better than to spend the rest of her life like he has. Alone in a crowd, and always looking over her shoulder. Wondering when any one of her hundred demons is finally going to catch up and bite her in the ass.]
I know, Chy, but I can tell you from experience that knocking yourself down doesn't keep it from happening. It's just a faster way to the bottom.
no subject
[ Kind of a hard thing to forget to tell someone, but she's used to the idea of John knowing most of what goes on in her life.
She settles deeper into his jacket, comforted by the weight of it, the smell of well-tended leather. For a little while she can't say anything, trying to sort out her thoughts. ]
I'm a soldier. [ The statement is as much to see if it still rings true as it is part of what she's trying to say. ] I've planned on being a soldier since I was old enough to understand what that meant. I told you, I've never had a problem with the idea of killing. I've seen enough people die. Death is simple. It's the same for everyone. Soldiers bring death, that's what we do.
[ She's quiet again. Dom shifts to rest his head on her lap. ] People keep telling me to be something else. I don't know how to be anything else.