[ Finn, who is never good at being casual, doesn't bother pretending to be when he looks back up. His face softens like he does it for a living.
He tries to control who knows. Who finds out. He doesn't want people he's met to hear it and think worse of him. Or, god forbid, better of him. It feels like being less of a person either way.
John doesn't leave room for wondering. Better that way. Better straightforward. Doesn't leave time for dread to sink in and spread, for the resigned expectation that what was enough yesterday won't be enough anymore after this. ]
Right. [ Normally he's the one who ends up saying that kind of thing to someone. "We're a team, we're in this together." A lot of the people he knows here, the ones he cares about most, they're used to having to stand on their own or having to hold themselves apart somehow. Have their own hangups about asking for help. He doesn't know the feeling.
Everything good he's ever managed, he only managed because he wasn't alone.
It's weird being on the other end of the sentiment. His first instinct is to think it sounds nice and to move on without putting any faith to it, and his second instinct is to be ashamed that the first instinct keeps rearing its head, regardless of the fact that John's never done anything to him or to Chyler to merit the suspicion.
It means a lot to hear that, still. Either way. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. ]
I made my choice. I found better. Pretty sure I wouldn't be here if I hadn't.
[ Not that he thinks RR-1 is a part of 'better' or anything shut up. He's very serious and stoic.
He doesn't let "deserving" factor into anything if he can help it. That's a slippery slope for anyone who's promised any of their friends that they're trying to be kind to themselves. ]
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Date: 2018-04-17 11:57 pm (UTC)He tries to control who knows. Who finds out. He doesn't want people he's met to hear it and think worse of him. Or, god forbid, better of him. It feels like being less of a person either way.
John doesn't leave room for wondering. Better that way. Better straightforward. Doesn't leave time for dread to sink in and spread, for the resigned expectation that what was enough yesterday won't be enough anymore after this. ]
Right. [ Normally he's the one who ends up saying that kind of thing to someone. "We're a team, we're in this together." A lot of the people he knows here, the ones he cares about most, they're used to having to stand on their own or having to hold themselves apart somehow. Have their own hangups about asking for help. He doesn't know the feeling.
Everything good he's ever managed, he only managed because he wasn't alone.
It's weird being on the other end of the sentiment. His first instinct is to think it sounds nice and to move on without putting any faith to it, and his second instinct is to be ashamed that the first instinct keeps rearing its head, regardless of the fact that John's never done anything to him or to Chyler to merit the suspicion.
It means a lot to hear that, still. Either way. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. ]
I made my choice. I found better. Pretty sure I wouldn't be here if I hadn't.
[ Not that he thinks RR-1 is a part of 'better' or anything shut up. He's very serious and stoic.
He doesn't let "deserving" factor into anything if he can help it. That's a slippery slope for anyone who's promised any of their friends that they're trying to be kind to themselves. ]