[but John doesn’t let go of Poe. He doesn’t let Poe pull away. Won’t let Poe run somewhere, anywhere, to cry by himself, and be alone in his pain, even though he knows it’s exactly what Poe wants to do. Because it’s what John does. What he’s always done, and what he regrets doing.
Because it’s too late for John now. He’s run away so many times he can’t find his way home, and no one is looking for him. Not anymore. Because he’d convinced them, and himself, that he isn’t lost, so much as he doesn’t want to be found. So they stopped searching. Stopped holding him when he didn’t want to be held, but needed to be.
And now John’s alone, and it breaks something in him that’s already long past broken to see Poe in the same damned place, because he doesn’t deserve it. He’s a good man, and he shouldn’t be where John is, at the bottom of a dark well, where the water is murky, and the sunlight is so far away, without the strength to claw his way out.
John holds Poe to himself with the strength he can find in his heart for other people, but not for himself. Speaks softly to Poe, the way he would want to be spoken softly to.
Poe is drunk, and John will take care of him.]
You just need to get some rest. How about it? You’ll feel better in the morning. That’s always the way it goes.
I’ll sleep beside you, if it helps. Or I can sleep in Rodney’s bed. Whatever you want. But you’re staying here, with me. Because I don’t think you should be alone right now.
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Date: 2018-01-17 05:57 pm (UTC)Because it’s too late for John now. He’s run away so many times he can’t find his way home, and no one is looking for him. Not anymore. Because he’d convinced them, and himself, that he isn’t lost, so much as he doesn’t want to be found. So they stopped searching. Stopped holding him when he didn’t want to be held, but needed to be.
And now John’s alone, and it breaks something in him that’s already long past broken to see Poe in the same damned place, because he doesn’t deserve it. He’s a good man, and he shouldn’t be where John is, at the bottom of a dark well, where the water is murky, and the sunlight is so far away, without the strength to claw his way out.
John holds Poe to himself with the strength he can find in his heart for other people, but not for himself. Speaks softly to Poe, the way he would want to be spoken softly to.
Poe is drunk, and John will take care of him.]
You just need to get some rest. How about it? You’ll feel better in the morning. That’s always the way it goes.
I’ll sleep beside you, if it helps. Or I can sleep in Rodney’s bed. Whatever you want. But you’re staying here, with me. Because I don’t think you should be alone right now.