[ It almost, almost silences him. Shelve it, John says. I don't want you to worry about it. Come back to it later in a better state of mind.
We've got bigger problems, worry about yourself first, nothing means anything if--]
No.
[ He fingers the dog tags gently. He's so tired, and it hurts so much, and he can't let this go, not again. If he lets it go this time he's going to let it go forever. He knows that. If he lets it go this time, that's it. The hope for anything between them is gone. ] You know, back when you were sick, before we knew you were sick, I came to talk to you in the shuttle hangar. You don't remember it.
[ He can't look at John, but he doesn't stop talking. If he stops there's the chance he won't start again. ]
I wanted to tell you right then that I'd fucked up, that I wanted to give things another shot, that I'd run scared and you deserved better. You told me to stop pretending I cared. You told me I just wanted to make myself feel better, that the only thing I missed when I said I missed you, was someone following after me like a dog. That I got off on your rank.
[ He pushes off the floor, gathers himself and get to his feet. This isn't the kind of thing to say from the ground. ] How much of that was because you were sick?
no subject
We've got bigger problems, worry about yourself first, nothing means anything if--]
No.
[ He fingers the dog tags gently. He's so tired, and it hurts so much, and he can't let this go, not again. If he lets it go this time he's going to let it go forever. He knows that. If he lets it go this time, that's it. The hope for anything between them is gone. ] You know, back when you were sick, before we knew you were sick, I came to talk to you in the shuttle hangar. You don't remember it.
[ He can't look at John, but he doesn't stop talking. If he stops there's the chance he won't start again. ]
I wanted to tell you right then that I'd fucked up, that I wanted to give things another shot, that I'd run scared and you deserved better. You told me to stop pretending I cared. You told me I just wanted to make myself feel better, that the only thing I missed when I said I missed you, was someone following after me like a dog. That I got off on your rank.
[ He pushes off the floor, gathers himself and get to his feet. This isn't the kind of thing to say from the ground. ] How much of that was because you were sick?